STARTING AND USING THE PROGRAM


			Hard Disks and Backup Copies

   Because of input from users, Version II of Heart-to-Heart is not
copy protected. You may make as many backup copies as you wish and
copy the program to your hard disk. Please do not distribute bootleg
copies of this already inexpensive program to your friends and
acquaintances. The program may be ordered by calling 1-800-541-0756.
For information or technical support, please call 1-718-768-1427.
~p


			How to use the program

   As soon as you start Heart-to-Heart, and while you are
using it the bottom line on your screen functions as a status/input
line. It tells you when the program is busy and when it is waiting for
some input. It also tells you what type of input the program will
accept at any given time.
~p

   If the program is waiting for input and you type in an inappropriate
input, the program will beep and continue to wait for the appropriate
input. For example, if the bottom line says "Enter Y or N." and you
type in "1" the program will beep and continue to wait for a "Y" or an
"N".

   The program is menu-driven, which means that at each stage of the
program you will be presented with choices of what to do next.  When
you have decided what you want to do, just use the arrow keys to point
to your choice. At other times you will be asked to type in
information. When you have finished typing in the information
requested, just hit the <ENTER> key to move on.
~p

    You can end a session with the program from the menus by selecting
the menu choice "End the Program", or at any other time by
simultaneously holding down the <CTRL> and <BREAK> keys. <CTRL> <BREAK>
will save any responses you may have entered and close all open files.
At many points in the program, you can ontain further help and
information by pressing the <F1> key. The status/input line tells
you when context-sensitive help is available.
~p

		WHAT THIS PROGRAM CAN DO FOR YOU

			An overview

   This program is a tool which couples can use at home to improve
their communication skills in order to find more joy and satisfaction
in their relationships. Most researchers and practitioners of
couple-oriented therapy agree that communicating effectively is one of
the most important ingredients in a successful relationship, perhaps
even the single most important.  Many couples have not learned
effective communication skills, instead they employ inefficient and
harmful methods learned from their parents or other societal role
models. The good news is that couples can learn new and more satisfying
ways of communicating.
~p

   The first part of the program is the Heart-To-Heart Questionnaire
which comes in 5 different versions: Unmarried Couples; Premarital
Couples; Unmarried with Children; Married without Children; and Married
with Children.  The questionnaire consists of 180 to 200 statements
depending on the version chosen.  Each partner completes the
questionnaire separately by choosing one of five possible responses to
each statement. The possible responses range from Strongly Disagree to
Strongly Agree. The statements reflect various issues in 12 major areas
of couple dynamics: Leisure Activities, Finances and Goals, Male and
Female Roles, Friends and Family, Parenting, Personality Issues, Sex
and Intimacy, Realistic Perceptions, Realistic Expectations, Problem
Solving, Communication, and Values. Research has shown that the ability
to handle the issues which arise in these areas is a key to creating
happy, successful relationships.

~p
   After both partners have completed the questionnaire, the program
generates the Relationship Profile, a graphic picture and analysis of
strength and improvement areas in the relationship, and a series of 12
Heart-To-Heart Talks, or guided communication sessions, based on the 12
categories mwntioned above.
~p

During the Heart-to-Heart Talks, each partner takes turn reading groups
of statements and both partners' responses from the Heart-To-Heart
Questionnaire. Further questions ask each partner to expand on some of
his/her responses. Each partner takes turn speaking and listening, so
this is not a discussion or debate, but rather a chance for each
individual to access their own innermost thoughts and feelings. The
session is designed to give couples an experience of a type of honest
and open communication that many may not be familiar with. Individuals
are encouraged to take responsibility for what they have created in
their lives as a first step towards changing what they are not happy
with.
~p

   If a couple accepts the challenge of honesty and self-disclosure
provided by this program they will be able to create an uplifting,
joyful and intimate experience for themselves.  They will also be able
to apply what they learn to improving the effectiveness of their daily
communications.
~p
		   Communication and miscommunication

   The desire to communicate is one of our deepest human needs.  When
we become aware, even at an subconscious level, that our communications
are garbled, inhibited or dishonest we start to feel anxious and
uncomfortable.  When we are not able to openly give and receive clear
communications we can become divorced from the vital cycle of giving
and receiving which is essential to all forms of life. The more we shut
ourselves off by blocking communication, the more dead we feel inside.
~p

   We miscommunicate in many ways. The first and most obvious way is by
not communicating at all, by just holding what we think and feel
inside. This can lead to the most amusing and sad misunderstandings.
Ask yourself how often you expect your partner to read your mind? For
most of us, mind reading is a very ineffective form of communication.
How often do you depend on mind reading?
~p

   When we eventually are forced to communicate with others in order to
resolve pressing problems or provide for the necessities of life and we
are afraid or unable to reveal our deepest thoughts and feelings then
we resort to various methods of garbling our communications which seem
to protect us from hurt and ridicule. Unfortunately these methods of
garbling only seem to protect us. They actually lower our feelings of
trust in ourselves and in others and can eventually produce enough
stress to cause physical or psychological dis-ease.
~p

   A wonderful and straightforward discussion of how and why we garble
our communications and what we can do about it can be found in Virginia
Satir's book "Peoplemaking". According to Satir, the three most common 
forms of miscommunication are placating, blaming, and
intellectualizing.
~p

   To obtain the maximum benefit from the Heart-To-Heart Talk you will
need to set aside as much as possible these three methods of
miscommunication.  What that means is 1) don't placate: say whatever
comes up and feels true for you, even if you think that your partner
will not want to hear it; 2) don't blame: take maximum responsibility
for your own feelings and the situation you have created for yourself;
and 3) don't intellectualize: allow whatever you feel or think to just
come immediately to the surface without analysis even if you don't 
understand it fully. To put all of this in a positive way: just be
yourself, be honest. Trust yourself and trust your partner.
~p

   What this program offers you is a chance to take some personal risks
with your partner by opening up new areas of communication. You'll 
probably be surprised how much you have been relying on mind reading.
You may also become aware of how you garble your communications.  You
may discover a new and very exciting way of communicating with your
partner called total honesty.
~p

   Often we don't communicate because of unwritten rules we have
tacitly agreed to about what things can and cannot be openly discussed.
In a couple, the existence of large areas of taboo subjects can
undermine the self respect of both partners and their level of mutual
trust. The larger these areas are, the more threatened each partner
feels by their shadows. The fear of these taboo areas can be
transformed into anger and hatred of one's partner or oneself and,
finally, the fear and anger are likely to be transformed into the state
of indifference which can lead to the dissolution of the relationship.
~p

   This program challenges you to take a look at your taboo areas.  If
you take this challenge you will be amazed at how self-disclosure, even
of feelings which you may fear are too negative to admit to or may hurt
your partner's feelings, can rekindle and nurture a sense of love, joy 
and intimacy between you and your partner. You can begin to build a
safe place for communication with your partner, a private sanctuary
where you feel free and secure enough to discuss any and everything you
may be feeling or thinking without having to censor yourself. With
these feelings of freedom and security will come a heightened sense of
your own self-worth and trust in yourself. Once we find the security
and happiness we are seeking inside, we become more able to share that
happiness with others.
~p

   The myths about romantic love with which we are constantly bombarded
tell us that love is a subjective feeling:  either you have it or you
don't. If you're one of the lucky ones you bump into Mr. or Ms. Right,
you are both overwhelmed by the feeling of love, marry and live happily
ever after, overcoming all difficulties by drawing strength from the
immensity of your feeling of love. Well folks, it just ain't so.  Love 
does have a subjective part, but it also has a very important active
and objective part. The active part of love is loving.
~p

   Once you begin to look at the problems in your relationship as
opportunities to express loving you may even feel grateful for having
them.  The expression of loving through concrete actions rekindles and
nurtures the delicate flame which is the subjective feeling of love.
Openly sharing your deepest hopes and fears with your partner is a
powerful form of active loving.  Active loving means taking the risk of
self-disclosure.
~p

   It may seem risky to bring out everything that you have kept hidden,
perhaps for many years.  However, you will find that when you bring
your hopes, fears, doubts and other hidden feelings out into the open
your anxiety will be transformed into excitement and joy.  Your
original fears will seem so absurd to both you and your partner that
you will be able to laugh at them.  You are a fallible and funny human
and--surprise!--so is your partner.  Get both of your skeletons out of
the closet, jiggle them around and have a good laugh.

   This whole experience can be a joyful, easy, and loving one if
that's what you decide to make it. If you want to make it hard on
yourself then you will, either way you will learn a lot about yourself
and your partner.
~p

		   PROGRAM UPDATE INFORMATION

   We are planning a version of the program for professionals in which
the output will be presented in a format suitable for use in a therapy
or counseling session. It will also incorporate more detailed
statistical information and analysis than the version for home use.

   If you are interested in this professional version, please contact
us at InterActive Software.
~p

		  GROWTH RESOURCES FOR COUPLES

   If you have benefited from your experience with this program, you
may wish to expand on that by participating in some other forms of
personal growth experiences. One possibility is individual or couple
therapy, another is offered by the many excellent personal growth
seminars which are now widely available.

   If you would like a referral to a private counselor or therapist you
can contact the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy,
which has branches in most states. Check your local phonebook or call
or write: The American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy;
1717 K Street, N. W.  Suite 407; Washington, D.C. 20006. Telephone
(202) 429-1825.
~p

Here are two excellent books which you may find useful and inspiring:

"Time For A Better Marriage" by Don Dinkmeyer and Jon Carlson; American
     Guidance Service; P.O. Box 99, Circle Pines, MN, 55014;
     (1-800-328-2560 to order)

     An excellent workbook for developing better communication skills.


"Peoplemaking" by Virginia Satir; Science and Behavior Books Inc.; Palo
     Alto, CA; 1976

     A wonderful book about how to improve the ways we communicate.
~p