~bWelcome to the Heart-to-Heart Talk~b ~n~n There are four screens of information and instructions after this one. If you are already familiar with the format and instructions, you may press ~b~b to skip the additional information screens. If you wish to leave the Heart-to-Heart Talk before you have completed this category, you may press ~b~b at any time. ~l For the best results, you should set aside at least a half hour of uninterrupted quiet time together to do this session, unplug your phone if you need to! ~p Have 2 large pads or sheets of paper and pens handy. Both of you should write on the top of one sheet of paper "Things I Heard My Partner Say" and on the top of another sheet "Things I Heard Myself Say".~l The Heart-to-Heart Talk groups the questionnaire statements in this category into various topics. In each topic, you will first be reviewing the statements and your responses. Then, you will be taking turns responding to additional related discussion questions and statements. Some of these additional questions are only for you or your partner, while others are for both of you. For some of these questions, one partner will be reading and filling in the blanks. ~p During the Heart-to-Heart Talk the window heading will tell you who is reading and who is responding to the questions. Only the partner who is reading the questions needs to look at the monitor. If it is your turn to respond, just pay close attention to what your partner is saying and do not bother reading along. ~l While responding to the questions, don't censor yourself, just let it out. Trust your partner. Trust yourself. While your partner is responding to the questions, support him or her with loving, silent attention no matter what he or she says. Try to resist the temptation to give advice, allow your partner to find his or her own solutions. Above all, do not interrupt your partner at any time. ~p Allow your partner to get to the very end of whatever thought or feeling he or she is trying to express. If you allow each other the time to fully express yourselves, you may be surprised to find that the bottom line message that you are trying to express may be very different from what you expected. ~l Try not to prompt your partner by showing approval or disapproval of what he or she is saying. To get the most out of this exercise and your relationship, take the risk of total honesty. If you find any unpleasant feelings or thoughts coming up: just let them out. Letting them out is the only way to get free of them, and it feels great. ~p Don't make this an exercise in blaming, while you are responding focus on your own feelings, not on your partner's behaviors. Take some responsibility for what you are feeling: blaming your partner, your parents, God or Nature will only keep you stuck inside the same cycle of powerless dependency. Be responsible for your own experience. ~l Sit comfortably, facing your partner, and press any key to begin.